Baby Blog: My Maternity Leave Will Be Over Soon – But I'm Not Sure I Want To Go Back To Work

"When are you coming back to work, then?"

That was a text I received from a work colleague earlier this week.

I said to my employers that I would go back when Freddy was six months old, however this was when he was constrained within the boundaries of my womb.

Pre-Freddy, six months seemed like an absolute age - too long, in fact! I’d be ready to go back in January. Or so I thought.

But six months has come round quickly. Frighteningly quickly. And a six month old baby is still very, very young.

When Freddy’s six months old he won’t even be properly weaned. He's just started on Stage One foods but he can’t move on until he’s at least seven months.

While I’m sure a nursery would do a brilliant job caring for him and catering for whatever stage he's at, on a purely selfish level I’m not sure I want to miss out on these changes. After all, he’s never going to have these ‘firsts’ again.

Taking finance out of the equation for just a minute – when would I want to go back? The honest answer is: I don’t know.

Anxiety About The Return To Work
One half of me misses work. I miss the camaraderie that comes with being in an office every day, I miss the routine, I miss the lunch hour and I miss taking the mick out of my colleagues on Twitter.

I even miss being part of the (previously very annoying) work What’s App group.

My fear is that when I go back I no longer fit in - have I left it too long already? What if someone talks to me about current affairs and all I can offer up are the latest Ella’s Kitchen flavours?

Also, I'm not sure I'm the same person I was before I became a mum, which could explain why so many women swap careers after having children. Can I slot back in?

They probably have a whole load of fresh, new people, new in-jokes – have I already missed out on too much? It’s the feeling that my brain has turned into antisocial mush that is making me want to rush back.

If I’m away longer than six months – will the team still need me? Plus, I said I would go back and I don’t want to let my boss down.

Maternity Leave Bliss
Maternity leave is just too much fun for it to be properly allowed, right? It’s easily the best thing ever. It feels like the summer holidays. But now I’m edging towards September.

At the moment I love every single day. But a part of me feels guilty about that, like I shouldn’t enjoy myself so much. It’s a ‘working week’, after all.

I’ve heard women who say they watch the clock waiting for their husbands to come home to shake them out of the ‘boredom’, but I’m genuinely having the time of my life with my mini sidekick best mate.

We go to baby classes, swimming, we go shopping – whatever we feel like. We’re basically ladies who lunch. No wonder I still feel like I am somehow slacking.

If I could, I’d be on maternity leave forever. But Freddy’s not going to be a baby forever and soon enough he'll be a toddler and the baby days will be over.

Next Time
I’ve never heard anyone say they wish they had spent less time with their baby and more time in the office, however much they love their job.

Next time, I’ll ask for a year's leave but I’ll only take nine months. It’s far easier to ask to come back than ask for more time off.

That means three more months of Jeremy Kyle to look forward to.

[Baby Blog: It's New Year's Eve And I Wish I Was Out. There, I Said It]

[Baby Blog: The Responsibility Of Motherhood Is Overwhelming Me]