Baby Blog: Why I Won't Be Leaving My Baby Again Anytime Soon

It all happened so unexpectedly. But when it hit, it felt like an earthquake.

I used to scoff at mums who wailed about 'missing their kids'. But now I know the feeling too well and it's real – scarily real. I was away from my baby for the first time and I wasn't having any fun.

Planning My Escape
I had been waiting nine months to get away for a few nights - holding out until Freddy was weaning. To me, weaning meant freedom.

My friends and I had intentionally booked somewhere that wasn’t suitable for children – partying in Ibiza. For just three nights I was going to be just your average 25 year old again.

It was going to be utter bliss, I thought. A baby-free nirvana. With lots of beer. Because, you know, I didn’t have to be on parenting duty for once.

I planned on wearing high heels the whole time – just because I could. For there would be no pram pushing.

But best of all, I wouldn't have to change a nappy for over 72 hours. I would reclaim my handbag and leave my frumpy changing bag at home.

Emotional Turmoil
As soon as I waved goodbye to my son’s squidgy little face, I knew it was inevitable.

It jumped out of nowhere like a horrid little goblin determined to distract me from my sangria.

I was really, really going to miss my baby.

This missing. It was a pointless emotion, sucking all my holiday fun out of me. But it just wouldn't go away even though I knew I would see my little one in three short days.

But suddenly those three days seemed like forever. My bub was a whole plane ride away and I couldn't get him out my head.

I phoned my mum (and babysitter) constantly and asked for the phone to be put on loudspeaker so I could hear Freddy kicking his little legs and making noises of recognition. Ridiculously, I was relieved he remembered me, after a second of fearing he wouldn't.

Home Sweet Home
For the first time ever, I couldn’t wait for my holiday to end and for the plane journey home.  

Normally I fantasise about losing my passport, but this time I panicked at the mere thought.

On the journey home, I watched every single video I had of my son on my phone and cried. Actual tears. And I don't cry. I'm not really a crier, per se. But babies bring out all sorts of crazy, extreme emotions in you.

After the love I feel for Freddy, this was the strongest emotion I have ever felt. Call me lucky, in that sense, I suppose.

When I did finally see him, it was night time and he was asleep but I couldn't resist picking him up.

It was then I realised that maybe the missing wasn't so illogical after all. Because, in that moment, I had never appreciated my beautiful, perfect baby more.

When did you first leave your baby for the first time? Tweet us at @YLifestyleUK.

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