Baby Blog: I'm Not Crying, That's Just Wee In My Eye

I have been a Mum for ten whole weeks now.

Like everyone warned me, it really has gone frighteningly quickly.

Along the way I have learned a lot and mastered skills that I didn’t even know existed before I was a mum. The nappy slide, anyone?

This the art of getting a new nappy in place of the old one without getting weed on in the eye.
Learning the art of the nappy slide is more crucial for those with baby boys for obvious reasons.

Yep, it’s true – to use another cliché -  nothing can prepare you for the actual reality of caring for a tiny person 24/7.

If you are currently pregnant don’t bother wasting your money on books – you won’t need them and they’ll just clutter up the windowsill.

I imagined everything for hours, days and weeks while I was pregnant and pretty much none of it has happened the way it did in my head.

Never did I think I would find myself with such an appreciation for burping and farting. Alas, yes, we regularly congratulate Fred on his achievements in both these areas.

In fact, I have a newfound appreciation for all the following:

1) Parents of twins. Just HOW do you do it? Like, seriously – two night feeds at once – how are you still alive?

2) Poppers. Any clothing which doesn’t fasten with poppers is now the worst thing. For the baby, that is. For myself, I have maintained my appreciation for the maternity elasticated waistband.

3)  Search engines. People with babies use these a lot. Particularly in the middle of the night just to check their baby is still breathing.

4)   My hands. They can do a lot of things at once. Whole dinners have been made with just one hand.  In hindsight, I feel their capability was wasted previously.

5)   My iPhone’s camera. Currently we have 1276 pictures of Fred.

However, meanwhile I have a newfound hated for all the following:

1) Lifts. No one mentioned that having a baby means you will spend a lot of time in these. They never cease to be awkward. Appreciate the escalator while you still can.

2) People who can’t hold my baby properly and then blame him when he starts crying. He’s NOT tired – he’s uncomfortable.

3) Child locks. Surely universal-everyone-ever lock would be a more appropriate name?

4) People who have had eight hours of unbroken sleep. You don't know how lucky you are.

5) People who wake up naturally and not with a baby alarm. Squawking is no subtitute for lark song.

Things that used to be very simple now take ten times longer and keeping appointments is near impossible. Don’t even bother with them, if you can help it.

 I left two hours to get Freddy ready for his six week check only for him to wee out of his nappy and all over his babygrow the second we were about to step out the door.

I have learned to expect the unexpected.

But if I had to sum up the last ten weeks, it would be like this:

To reference another cliché - ‘It’ll be the best time of your life,’ they said. And do you know what? It really has been.

I have spent ten weeks getting to know the brightest, most gorgeous little boy who I can’t wait to learn even more about.

Even if that does mean standing in awkward lifts complaining about being tired, unable to open the damn Calpol.

Every time I look at him he surprises me, amazes me and melts me all at the same time.

 And no I’m not crying, that’s just wee in my eye.

Freddy’s Diary

I’ve been in the world now for ten whole weeks and do you know what? It really has flown by.
I finally know where my hands are and I can almost hold up my own head now.

In fact, I’m so big now that soon I have to get a new bed in place of my trusty crib. I still don’t have any teeth yet however I know that Mum is ‘dreading’ when I do.

I'm still learning a lot about this world and all the people in it but I am already pretty certain about a few things.

I quickly discovered I have little to no time for the following:

1)    My Mum’s insistence on calling me ‘Piggy’. Ditto ‘Tiny one’, ‘Piggles Wiggles’ and ‘Little one’.

2)    Being passed around like a handbag. Albeit a very cute handbag.

3)    My Godfather’s singing. I think it was Danny Boy he was cat calling out but couldn’t really be sure.

4)    Loose Women. And more specifically, being forced to watch it against my will every day.

But there are things I do rather like.

I love milk – in fact, I can’t get enough. Perhaps why my Mum keeps calling me ‘Piggy’.

I have a bit of an obsession with men with beards – for some reason I just can’t stop staring.

I also have a heck of a lot of time for my Nan – I think sometimes Mum worries I like her the best!

But although she'd never believe it - the best thing about these past ten weeks has been getting to know my Mum.

She might be awful at nicknames and not have a beard but she gives me my milk and always makes sure I haven’t got trapped wind.

In fact, I don’t really know what I’d do without her.

Even if she does stare at me all the time and make me watch awful daytime television.

[Baby Blog: Night Feeding Truly Is The Devil]