Baby Blog: I’m Locked In A Wi-Fi Dependent Relationship

Up until recently, I had a new best friend. There was nothing I couldn’t ask her, she always found me exactly what I needed – we were so close that sometimes she even finished my sentences.

Although, come to think of it, sometimes she was awfully uptight about spelling. But best of all she was always there just when I needed her – even at 3am.

We met just after I fell pregnant had been attached ever since. Our relationship was Wi-Fi dependent but it was fine because we had a very strong connection.

Like so many new mums, the Internet was my new best friend.

Always There
I met another mum this week, who also has a five-month-old baby. “I look up everything on the Internet,” she said.

“Even stuff I know that I know I just pop in the search engine – just to, y’know, check.”

We concluded that the thinking behind all this frantic searching is, you can never ask the baby if you did that right, so you ask the Internet instead. It’s like your mum, only less judgmental and available 24 hours a day.

Plus, the Internet is way easier than a book and you can do it with one hand while feeding. At which point you may well go off on weird, wired late-night tangents which start with Kegel exercises and end with the purchase of a wholly pointless bath sit which swivels 180 degrees.  Hey – maybe that’s what led you to this very blog!

Why Does My baby Grunt?
I typed in ‘Why does my baby…’ into a search engine to check out the most popular queries.

The most popular query was, ‘Why does my baby grunt?’ Surely there are more pressing issues?

The second result is more predictable. ‘Why does my baby keep crying?’. To which after checking if he’s wet, hungry or tired the answer is, no one really knows, try not to take it personally.

Third up is, ‘Why does my baby cry in her sleep?’. They’re babies, they cry all the time. There is neither rhyme nor reason to colic.

A recent study found that one in 20 even searched the Internet to the answer to a question they had on the day they gave birth.

I’m assuming the search term was ‘HELP’ 10 minutes after giving birth. And giving birth was just the start of it, some might even say the easy bit.

A Toxic Friendship
So why did I decide to end my new seemingly wonderful relationship? Well, the problem with all this maniacal scrolling is that it inevitably leads to plain and brain fuzzing contradiction.

One site says yes to dummies, another says no. One site says baby rice is a goer; another says baby rice contains the nutritional equivalent to pond water.

Is it any wonder that a recent survey found that 85 per cent of new mums reckon they have no idea what they are doing?

Basically, we’re worried. We’re worried we are going to mess up and that our babies will explode.

The Internet gives us at best gentle reassurance that we're doing the right thing. At worst it will end in a late night stint in the A&E waiting room.

My advice? Hit pause, put the tablet down and trust your instincts. Nature didn’t give us them for nothing.

Failing that, give your mother a call. Just not at 3am.
 
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