Baby Blog: I’m Jealous Of The Childminder

The time has come. On August 3 I’m finally going back to work. I’m finally going back to work and I’m not excited about it.

I love my work, I love what I do and the people I do it with and all that but I now I know I love my baby more. So the idea that I will be spending more time at the former makes my guts twist. If finance was out the question I would never go back full time.

However, as a single parent it would be near impossible to work less hours. So here I am, packing Freddy off to a child minder four days out of five.

Time Balance Worries
Women are always quoted as saying they can’t wait to get back to work, to be seen as ‘themselves’ again, to show off all their non nappy changing skills set. I’m no exception, I just wish it didn’t have to be for more time than I am going to spend with the baby.

I want that piece of my life back, yes. But that’s just it – a piece – not the whole darn thing.

The only day we will spend together will be Wednesdays and I’m not sure it’s enough.

I’m actually jealous of my child minder. Since when does someone else get to spend more time with my baby than me? It’s just all so odd.

To make matters worse, at the end of each day the child minder posts up a diary of all the things they got up to together. While it’s of course fab to see Freddy having fun without me it also reminds me of what I’ve missed out on.

What if he takes his first steps or says his first word when I'm not there? But if he cuts a few teeth on her time that would be alright.

Finishing Maternity Leave At The Most Difficult Time Imaginable
Talking of those evil teeth, the timing also couldn’t be worse. Last night Freddy, or should that be Freddy’s evil teething alter-ego, was awake between midnight and four, nothing would settle him and every time I laid him on his back he screamed to be picked up.

Thus, today I am a zombie mess, I haven’t washed my hair and all I can think about is going to bed tonight. My eyes can hardly stay open looking while writing this. I'll swap teething for night feeds any day.

Despite this living nocturnal torture, in a fortnight’s time I will be expected to drop Freddy off at 7:30am and work 9am-5pm before picking him up, giving him his tea and putting him down for bed.

I’m not sure it’s going to possible and I’m worried. Trying to deal with teething Freddy at night is its own job and a horrible one at that.

There should be a law that no woman comes off maternity leave until her baby sleeps through the night.
So yes, it’s going to be tough. I just wish it was this time last year and I was waddling around saying my goodbyes to my colleagues. Just maybe minus the extra two and a half stone and cravings for Chinese food and salt and vinegar crisps.

Maternity leave; it’s been fun and I will miss you. A lot.

[Baby Blog: Why Did No One Warn Me About The NIghtmare That's Teething]

[Baby Blog: My Maternity Leave Will Soon Be Over - And I'm Not Sure I Want To Go Back To Work]