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Anorgasmia: Student Who Can't Orgasm Speaks Out

A 19-year-old who has never had an orgasm has opened up about her experience of anorgasmia, and how sex therapy that aimed to 'rewire' her brain made her feel like a failure

The female orgasm gets a lot of column inches. We've been told it's really rather complicated, and for young men just starting out on their sexual life, it can be more than a little daunting.

But while women are encouraged to explore their bodies in order to discover what works for them, one student has found that no matter what she does she can't achieve an orgasm.

Megan has never had an orgasm (SWN)
Megan has never had an orgasm (SWN)

Megan Ward, 19, has never reached sexual climax and has been unable to overcome the problem despite receiving expert help.

She has written about the frustration of living with the rare condition called 'anorgasmia', which is believed to be related to general anxiety and Megan says it often puts her off sex entirely.

But though called rare, actually one in 20 women is unable to have an orgasm, which seems pretty high to us.

Writing openly on student website The Tab, she said: "I  have never, not once, not by myself, not with a partner, not with a vibrator, had an orgasm.

"I guess it's impossible to know what you're missing out on when you've never had one, so it's hard to want something you can't imagine."

After suffering for so long, Megan sought to do something about and started seeing a sexual therapist last March.

She said: "Sex therapy is a specialised form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. What you do is try to change some of what they call your 'maladaptive thinking patterns' towards sex.

"There are a whole host of reasons why women develop anorgasmia, and different ways of it manifesting.

"Some don't even get close to coming, and it's often a lack of stimulation which causes it (basically, the guy being bad in bed).

"This isn't the case with me. I have four different kinds of vibrators, I am very well stimulated, thank you. But when I get close, it's like a wall is put up in my head and I involuntarily force all stimulation to stop.

"Everything that was turning me on suddenly repulses me and I just can't continue. Something subconsciously is telling me I can't have an orgasm. So the therapist will talk to me and try to 'rewire' my brain and how it thinks about sex."

Megan (right) with a friend (SWN)
Megan (right) with a friend (SWN)

Despite the therapy, the Birmingham student didn't make any progress and after eight sessions, she stopped going.

"My therapist had, at the start, been confident that I wasn't the one woman in 20 who never climaxes.

"But as the weeks went by, and nothing was getting better, we both got confused and frustrated.

"I was using the methods I had been told and it still wasn't happening. I was a failure. That was the only way I could see it. My body was meant to be able to do this apparently wonderful thing but it couldn't.

"And the therapy, which worked for others, wasn't working for me, so I was a double failure. I couldn't handle that. I quit after eight sessions."

She completely lost her sex drive and it put an immense amount of  pressure on her relationship.

He boyfriend stuck with her throughout the lowest points though, and the pair once again enjoy an active sex life.

She now plans to go back to therapy in the hope that she can have better sex in the future.

"I once described my missing orgasm as missing the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae, only to be told the orgasm was the sundae everything else was the cherry on top," she said.

"I want my damn sundae."

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