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7 Things You Should NEVER Say To A Man In The Bedroom

Our sexual relationships expert Dr Pam breaks down our innocent mistakes.

We usually think of ourselves as being more tactful than men.

Although we certainly try, there are a lot of ways we slip up and say damaging things to boys in the bedroom.

A healthy relationship demands honesty. But how much is too much? [REX]
A healthy relationship demands honesty. But how much is too much? [REX]



In my work I’ve heard it all, including many confessions about many things women regret saying. It happens so easily but it’s so hard to take back once you’ve crushed his ego.

When in the throes of passion, here are seven things you shouldn’t say between the sheets:

Slip up No. 1: Said in a sympathetic and tactful voice, “Can't you last longer?"

It doesn’t matter how much tact or sincerity you employ, you can never say this. This is never the way to deal with a guy with premature ejaculation issues.

Instead, try practical ways to slow him down. Shift your position slightly so it throws him off his stride.

Suggest he pleasures you for longer before you start full sex. Resist doing the thing you know really turn him on until the last minute. And if you’re using condoms, he can use the ones that have a numbing action gel in the tip.



Slip up No. 2: You go to bed with him and discover he’s average or below what you perceive to be average in size. You jokingly say something like, "When a guy has a big thumb (or nose, or feet) it’s supposed to mean he’s big down below, too."

Men never take anything size-related as a joke. So referencing the fact he has big thumbs or feet with the implication they don’t reflect his manhood is a complete no-no. Because as he chuckles with you, inwardly he’s thinking he doesn’t measure up.

Slip up No. 3: Saying things you think are raunchy, such as, “Come on you sex machine, give it to me harder and faster,” might actually feel a bit threatening to him, if they're not pitched at the right guy.

Talking dirty can be fantastic and get you both feeling frisky. But you have to let your relationship bed in, so to speak. Start telling him all sorts of triple-X rated things too early on and he might feel intimidated. Yes, men can feel intimidated by your sexual confidence.

Slip up No. 4: Oops he’s lost his erection, don’t even think about muttering under your breath, “There goes my chance of climaxing," or any equivalent.

Of course, this is intensely frustrating and maybe you want to score a point because you feel hard done by. But any comment like this will utterly destroy his confidence.

In my work, I’ve heard from men who developed terrible erectile dysfunction after one such comment.
Instead, relax, snuggle and say you look forward to some more fun another time. Keep your comments simple so they can’t be misinterpreted as judging him.

To make everyone happy, sometimes you need to be tactful [REX]
To make everyone happy, sometimes you need to be tactful [REX]



Slip up No. 5: Even if it’s the truth, resist saying something like, “Omg, your bed smells!”

You don’t want to slip in between smelly sheets anymore than the next woman. But this is a sure-fire way to make him feel you’re scolding him like his mother would. Not sexy.

Instead, use your ingenuity and coax him into hot sex under a steamy shower or in the sitting room. Once you two feel satisfied, you can gently say something along the lines of you’ll help him tidy his flat if he helps tidy yours. Then grab him and get him to help you pull the sheets off his bed for starters. He might just get the message.

Slip up No. 6: When you want to encourage him to experiment never say, “But porn stars do that!

So things have become a bit boring and you’re dying to try something exciting. It’s great to encourage him into new territory but asking him to behave like a porn star won’t work.

He'll probably associate pornography wtih big, well-oiled, well-hung men who do tricks that make some people's eyes water.

It’s a tall order.

Instead, guide him into new positions, new techniques and even have fun browsing a sex guide together.


Slip up No. 7: Never mention your ex and sex in the same sentence. Your new man probably worries about measuring up to your ex.  Anything you say is likely to be taken the wrong way.

Even if you think you’re saying something critical of your ex, like, “My ex went on and on and on (in bed)."
It's just off-putting and he'll find some way to worry about it.

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[Spring Clean Your Sex Life: The Smart Girl's Guide]


Dr Pam Spurr is a sex, relationships and self-help expert. She is also the author of the book: The Emotional Eater's Diet

For more information or to chat to Dr Pam, check out here website www.drpam.co.uk or Tweet her @drpamspurr.