'Why hasn't he metioned Valentine's Day yet?'

I’ve been seeing this guy for about six weeks and I really like him. I was kind of expecting to spend Valentine’s Day with him but he hasn’t mentioned it at all. Should I bring it up?
Sandra.

Christine says:

Now I’m all for being romantic but the problem here is it’s only been six weeks and also, you’re not 10 years old. Valentine’s Day is a tricky one. On one hand it’s a cynical money making trap dreamed up in a meeting between the greetings card industry, the crap restaurant association and the awful bears holding satin ‘I love you’ hearts organisation, with the sole purpose of making single people feel rubbish and couples feel pressured to be lovey-dovey.

However, some people (i.e. men) do need a bit of a reminder to be romantic at times (most of the time) and if Valentine’s Day does that, is it such a bad thing?

The problem with the words ‘six weeks’ is it can mean many different things. You could have seen him three times in six weeks or 300 times. If you’ve seen him three times, I’d say forget about Valentine’s Day, it’s too soon and makes you look a bit weird and desperate for a giant padded Forever Friends card.

However, if you’ve spent every waking moment together then this is the best Valentine’s Day a relationship can have. The very first one. So go for it. If he hasn’t brought it up, then maybe you should. It’s the only one that will really matter as you’ll both throw yourself into it with passion.

Every one after this will gradually descend into enforced romance and begrudging bunches of garage flowers. A good way to tell how he feels is to read his body language. If you bring up Valentine’s Day and he immediately drives to Scotland on his own, then it’s probably a bit early.

[See also: Valentine's Day dos and don'ts]

Kevin says:

Don’t think he hasn’t remembered this too. But whereas you seem to retain a fluffy excitement about 14 February, for him I’m guessing the date hovers on the horizon with the all the auspiciousness of President Bashar Al-Assad’s next killing.

Men, in the main, hate Valentine’s Day. If we’re single, it’s a little jabbing reminder of our failure as human beings. And it’s just as bad if we’re in a long-term relationship because then we have to choose a stupid present, just six weeks after the nightmare of Christmas. And no presents are more stupid than those on V Day – heart-shaped balloons and enormous, pointless bears and singing monkeys (probably).

But the worst V Day situation of all is when you’re in the early stages of a relationship – for instance, “six weeks”. In the other two scenarios, you at least know where you stand: either you stay in watching telly or you reluctantly purchase an enormous bear. But a new fling puts you in a twilight zone of uncertainty and awkwardness. Spending it together all lovey-dovey might seem forced, but ignoring it is impossible because there are enormous bears on every street corner.

If you’re such a sucker for traditional romance, my advice is to be a good girl and follow the man’s lead. And right now that means: say nothing. If he wants to celebrate V Day with you, he’ll say it. If not, he is probably dreading you bringing it up. So if you don’t, imagine how pleasantly surprised he’ll be. He’ll think: this girl is so cool and relaxed about our relationship; I like her even more now. Then he’ll stay in watching telly instead and you can see each other on the 15th, as if nothing ever happened.

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