Single and looking for love? Don’t go travelling to find Mr Right

Christ the Redeemer in Rio, Machu Picchu in Peru, the vineyards of Argentina…and a hot, tanned man. When I quit my job in September 2011 and went backpacking for three months, there were several things on my ‘want to do’ list.

I hoped that by ditching the stuffy dating sites and bars of London, I’d find a like-minded travelling dude to share my bunk bed and adventures. Looking back, it makes me laugh a little. Like everyone heading off on their summer vacations hoping for a holiday romance, I thought finding love on my backpacking trip would be a doddle.

I had dreams of splitting the cost of a double room and arriving home with a hottie on my arm proving that not only was I brave enough to head off travelling on my own, I was also cool enough to bring home a hunk.

But I learned that a travelling fling is the last thing you should have on your list.

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Romantic dream vs Reality

Firstly, on the shared rooms front, if you really want one, stump up the extra tenner and indulge yourself once in a while.

Secondly, don’t risk the trip of your life searching for something that will as likely as not bring you heartbreak. And not heartbreak in a holiday romance style. This time you won’t be flying back from Greece in a few days, you’ll be thousands of miles from home with months left until you’re due to return.

And when no suitable blokes manifests, it’s more the not finding it than finding it and losing it that’ll get under your skin. And potentially ruin your trip.

When you’re not looking for love…

I’ve met people who prove my theory wrong, of course. A former colleague had gone travelling and now lives in Australia with the man she met en route. A girl I met in Ecuador had fallen for her boyfriend travelling and they were heading home to England together to settle down.

But if you consider I probably met around 100 new people in those three months I was away, that two have met someone travelling says a lot. Literally a two per cent success rate.

I’d join tour groups hoping there’d be a single bloke that I’d bond with over a love of travelling, language and exciting new food. Each time I met a new couple, I envied that they were travelling together.

But what I didn’t realise is that they actually envied me. (Ask any couple who is travelling together and they’ll assure you there’s nothing nicer than sharing dinner with someone other than their other half for one night in the month!)

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So yes, go for snogs. But relationships? Let’s just say there’s a reason why there are no websites called ‘on the road dating’. Because most people go travelling to avoid the merry-go-round of dating.

So am I just bitter I didn’t meet someone? Well, I’m not saying I didn’t have my fun… although from experience I’d advise you to remember that meeting someone on the road means they could be (and likely will be) from the other side of the globe. So you really are gathering pen pals more than life partners.

And now, instead of ‘me with man I met travelling’, every photo of my travels with just me in it makes me so proud. There are also photos with friends I met, photos with couples, but no photo with a new man. And now I feel glad there isn’t.

Because that old adage that you find love when you’re not looking is, I believe, really true. And so to go looking – to add that on top of everything else that comes with travelling, from the language to the budgeting, dealing with strangers and making friends - well it’s excess baggage you just don’t need to carry around with you. Isn’t there enough weight in that rucksack already without that emotionally charged expectation?

So pack hopes and dreams, and don’t stop believing in love if you’re a hopeless romantic. Just don’t put finding a man on the top ten souvenirs list. You could miss out on some really cool Alpaca scarves because you’re too busy looking around the market for fitties rather haggling over the patterns and wool quality.

Travel And The Single Girl

by Jenny Stallard is out now.