'Our 19-year age gap was only an issue to other people'

Samantha Booth was 21 and working behind a bar at her local pub in Glasgow, when Martin, a man nineteen years her senior, walked into her life.

“People are just people, no matter how old they are,” says Samantha. “They have the same worries, hopes and fears. You think by the time you’re 50 you’ll be a completely different person but you’re the same in essence.”

While others were shocked by her decision to start dating a considerably older man, Samantha was determined to make it work. Now, 35, the freelance PR says: “I don’t look at Martin and think, 'oh my gosh, you’re only ten years younger than my mum'. I just see him as the man I love.”

How we met

Martin, a truck driver, now 54, was a regular in the pub Samantha had begun working in after moving home following a trip to America, and the pair were introduced by her brother.

She says: “I think it was love at first sight. There was a definite “wow” moment. It sounds a bit twee, but it felt as if we’d met before.

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“He wasn’t the kind of guy I normally went for. He didn’t look old, he just looked like a 39-year-old guy. But I was 21, so there was an obvious gap. He had a slightly lived-in face, very dark hair, a nose that has been broken so many times it’s a bit crooked and these lovely hazel eyes.

“He wasn’t this buff and toned guy, but he was cheeky, loved to joke. I knew I wanted to get to know him. We used to chat during the quiet moments and eventually, one night, he asked me for a drink. That was it, really.

“He was more grown up than my previous boyfriends. There was none of the testosterone-fuelled silliness I’d seen among friends’ boyfriends. I think I got him just at the right age.

“The age gap was never an issue for us– only for other people. There was a lot of gossip about it when we met. He got hassled about having a younger girlfriend and I could tell my friends were thinking ‘what on earth are you doing?’”

How people reacted

While Samantha’s parents were supportive, others were quick to judge.

She says: “When my nana first met Martin, she looked over him with a steely gaze and asked me if I was looking for a father figure. I wasn’t even looking for a boyfriend. And I certainly never thought I would find him in a local pub that I’d avoided all my life!

“All I remember my mum saying was ‘If you love him, you love him and that’s that’.

“But my friends were shocked, I remember them looking at him as if to say ‘what does she see in you?’ It was a shame.

“Martin once came with me to a nightclub full of teenagers. He was up dancing and this young boy came over and asked ‘who’s the granddad on the dance floor?’

“But when people got to know him, nobody even thought about it – we were just Martin and Sam.

Eight months later, the couple moved in together. “We bought a house and I went back to university. Martin was a huge support. I think a younger man would have tried to encouraged me to go out more, and would have distracted me,” says Samantha.

“We talked about marriage in the early days, but it never quite came together. It might be nice, but we feel committed to each other anyway. He has been married before when he was in his early twenties.

“I am aware of the clock ticking but children are not a huge priority for us. Martin has a 21-year-old daughter from another long-term relationship who stays with us every weekend. She was six when we met, so I was taking on quite a lot at the age she is now.”

Overcoming obstacles

“For me the hardest time was when I started working in an office at the age of 24. Suddenly a new social life was opening up. I wanted to do all the things my friends were doing, but Martin, who was in the ‘I’d rather have a Chinese and watch a movie’ stage', was bit a grumpy about it all.

“There were times when I thought, no matter how much I love him, maybe it would be better if I was with someone closer to my own age, but it was always fleeting. You can’t be together for 15 years without at some point wondering: ‘Am I in the right place here?’

“We used to go to concerts but now he can’t deal with crowds and the thought of a shopping mall on a Saturday afternoon would horrify him. On holiday, I want to hire bikes and ride horses, but he draws the line when it comes to anything too active.

“Sometimes I wish I had met him in his twenties, but from the stories I’ve heard, he was a bit of a wild child so I am glad I met him when I did. Men and women have different emotional cycles and maybe a man five or ten years older than you is just the right level.

True love

“I think we are pushing the appropriate age gap. More than 20 years may have been an issue. I do wonder if I’ll have a baby, and I’m aware that it will be different having an older dad, but what is most important is that we are still together.

“Everything else falls into place if you are certain you love someone for who they are. People say we are a great team. Martin has a fantastic take on life. He always had a wise old owl way of looking at things, which is born from experience.”

The best thing about him, says Sam, is that he never fails to make her laugh. “If I’ve got a bit of a strop on he can bring me out of it within minutes,” she says.

“If I had children, it wouldn’t bother me at all if they went out with someone a lot older – if you love them nothing else really matters does it?”

Are you in a relationship with somebody a lot younger or older than you? What are the benefits or drawbacks?

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