New Mummy: What I wish I’d known

At around eight months pregnant, we went to an antenatal class at the birthing centre where we planned to have the baby. It was a two-hour session billed as an overview of labour, birth and the early days of parenthood.

There were five other couples there, all at a similar stage to us – nearing the end of pregnancy and shifting nervously in their seats as they felt their due date looming, feeling more and more underprepared by the day. Adam and I were also about to move house, and were unavoidably the most underprepared – the others had at least painted the nursery and built the crib – but ultimately, for all of us the feeling was that all the painting and building in the world couldn’t prepare us for what was to come.

[New Mummy: And so it all begins]
[New Mummy: The best baby ever, of course…]

We clamoured for the undivided attention and knowledge of a seasoned midwife for two hours. But after the inevitable labour-related questions were out the way and all the boys had had a turn trying out the gas and air, it somehow turned into an exercise in making us parents-to-be feel even more unprepared than before.

The midwife seemingly relished being our oracle for the morning and enjoyed telling us how much we really didn’t know. Mostly it centred around all the things we’d bought for our baby that, according to her, we shouldn’t have.

“Who’s bought a thermometer for baby’s room?” she asked, as hands crept up sheepishly around the room. “Waste of money!” she proclaimed with glee.

Whether a thermometer is needed or not is not my place to say. All I know is that I sneak a glance at the one in Honor’s room every night because it gives me peace of mind.

Yes, it’s difficult not to get carried away with what to buy for baby – it’s only natural to want to give him or her the best start in life you can. Unless you’ve got a much fatter bank balance than us, you’ll probably draw the line long before Egyptian cotton cot sheets and designer booties. But a thermometer for baby’s room - does that really make us the last of the big spenders?

Her other piece of advice that really stuck in my mind was that we must not, under any circumstances, ever use baby wipes on our precious bundles’ bottoms. Instead, a bowl of warm water and some cotton wool is all we would ever need.

[Tips for busy mornings with a toddler]
[How can I tell what my baby wants?]

Have you tried changing a nappy armed only with water and cotton wool? We did – once. By the time Honor was a day old we’d reverted to baby wipes. Did this make us bad parents? Maybe in Midwife Oracle’s books – but she didn’t need to know.

Before Honor was born, I took on board all the advice I could, from any and every source. I’m a worrier. Yes, I really did intend to clean Honor’s bottom with just water. I asked questions, read book after book, and as I did my panic rose as I felt increasingly clueless and confused.

Why? They all said different things.

Someone asked me the other day what I wish I’d known before Honor was born, that I know now. The answer is this. I wish I’d known that no one has all the answers. All babies are different and as Honor’s mum all I can do is what I believe to be the best for her. Of course I do need, and welcome, advice as I certainly don’t know it all (if only!). But I can discard, adapt or accept that advice depending on what I feel is right. I hope for the best, but if it doesn’t work out, then I will clean up the mess. Luckily I have baby wipes to help.