Mum Diary: Terrifying Christmas stories I'm not cruel enough to share

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Certainly it’s one of the cutesiest times of the year; every shop I go into seems to have cartoon reindeer and signs telling shoppers how many ‘sleeps’ until Christmas.

They also all have Christmas trees, so I’m really trying to break Harry of his bauble fascination. Last year, aged 18 months, he discovered that some baubles bounce and some smash, and he seems keen to continue his investigation this year.

Fortunately, at two and a half I can finally start bribing him with the naughty or nice list. This is the first Christmas where Harry actually understands the concept, and it’s wonderful to watch his excitement.

But he certainly doesn’t find the festivities cute – he knows that Santa is scary. We took him to meet Father Christmas at a fair last weekend and he was torn between delight and absolute terror.

If you put yourself in his position, it is scary. I once met the Queen and found that pretty nerve-wracking, even though she’s a little old lady. Imagine what Father Christmas means to a two-year-old – he’s like a terrifying old pagan god, handing down judgement and chocolate reindeer.

[Mum Diary: How do you discipline a two-year-old?]
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And this got me thinking, not every country makes Christmas so cosy and woolly and saccharine and sweet. Other countries understand that children find Father Christmas terrifying, and they even encourage that. Some have even more frightening traditions of their own.

Like in Iceland were the ogress Gryla eats naughty children, while her monstrous pet cat gobbles up anyone who doesn't have new clothes in time for Christmas.

They still have a present-giving tradition, but the Yule Lads who bring gifts have names like Door Sniffer, Sausage Swiper and Meathook. Door Sniffer! That is one of the most frightening names I’ve ever heard.

In some Alpine countries the demonic Krampus roams the Christmas markets, terrifying children. He’s sometimes pictured with a sack, which is for carrying away naughty kids to eat or drown them.

And in the Netherlands, Zwarte Piet accompanies Saint Nicholas and drags naughty children off. Rather bizarrely, he drags them off to Spain (which presumably holds some terror in the Low Countries).

Finally, in Austrian folklore the spirit Perchta roams the countryside at Christmas and enters people’s homes. She leaves a small silver coin for good children, while bad children have their bellies slit open and their innards replaced with straw. The naughty or nice list there is more a matter of life and death.

These are wonderful traditions. All the best children’s stories are properly scary, and belly-slitting, sausage-swiping monsters are as scary as it gets. I would love to share these stories with my children – although I think I’d better wait until they’re older.

However, I have seen friends in the UK terrify their children even more efficiently. You can download an app to your smartphone that ‘scans’ children and reveals whether or not they’re on the naughty or nice list.

This can terrify children into compliance and the parent gets to determine the result by tilting their phone a certain way. I’m told that app can guarantee perfect behaviour right up to Christmas Eve bedtime.

I’ve been fighting the urge to roll Santa out every time Harry misbehaves. I want him to be excited about Christmas and enjoy the idea that Santa is going to bring him presents.

[Mum Diary: I can't wait to embarrass my children too!]
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Admittedly, I have told him that Father Christmas only brings sweets to children who let their mummies brush their teeth, which has resulted in perfect two-minute tooth-brushing every morning and night. From January, I might tell him that the Easter Bunny has the same deal.

But the terror in the UK is because Santa won’t bring them presents unless they’re good. It’s not that some festive demon will punish them in a cruel and unusual way.

The Christmas fair we visited had pinned up several of the children’s letters to Santa, and I was quite surprised at what they had asked for. Puppies and hamsters featured quite a bit, understandably, but so did iPads ‘with a Justin Bieber case’ and electric ride-on cars.

I’d like kids to be more excited about Christmas folklore and traditions, rather than fixated on whether Santa is bringing them a huge haul of gifts. Some of the best Christmas traditions are gory, pagan and terrifying. Sadly I’m not cruel enough to share them with my children. Not yet, anyway.