Mum Diary: Why meeting other mums will keep you sane

Before having children, I had a lot of fantasies about what it would be like. My daydreams involved angelic, clean children, lots of baking and crafts, and kicking through the leaves on autumn walks. Essentially, I pictured it being like a never-ending Boden catalogue.

From the early days of my firstborn to more recent challenges like stopping my toddler Harry from eating all of Baby Olly’s food (presumably in an attempt to starve him out of the nest); life doesn’t fully resemble my pregnancy daydreams.

In fact, I’d say it’s actually more fun. Who wants charming autumnal walks with saccharine-sweet cherubs when you can have crazed sing-alongs while pushing a toy train 300 yards down the road and back?

Who wants to ice pretty fairy cakes when you could just do what Harry does – shove a cherry on the top and eat it straight away?

And, really, who needs to sleep past 6:30am on a Sunday morning? Well, me actually, that’s one change I would make!

[Mum Diary: I was mistaken for a perfect parent!]
[Mum Diary: Why are mums always late? It's took an hour to get my two in the car...]

But there was one area where my daydreams were bang on. I hoped I’d make friends with other mums who had children my age. I pictured coffee mornings and shared birthdays, chaotic meet-ups with the kids and evenings out without them.

I’m fortunate, because that’s exactly what I got; a close-knit group of similar-minded mums with children the same ages as Harry and Baby Olly. With my actual family living two hours away or more, they have been essential support.

That’s why I recommend all parents-to-be take antenatal classes. They don’t just tell you which end the baby comes out and how to manage pain in labour. They act like dating agencies for new mums, bringing together complete strangers who are about to share a life-changing event.

For my husband and me, very few of our friends had had babies when we had Harry so that made socialising extraordinarily difficult, except with other new parents.

And we don’t just get together to talk about baby poo, although, admittedly in the early days that did feature quite heavily. It genuinely astonishes me how many questions you have about the contents of nappies and what’s normal.

Some mums I know have set up a hiking group, where their babies ride in backpacks. Others meet every couple of weeks to teach each other crafts. One even organised an Ann Summers Mummy Party the other night, although I couldn’t go. I couldn’t leave Baby Olly and a five-month old is a bit of a downer at a night of debauchery.

[Mum Diary: I can't wait to embarrass my children too!]
[Mum Diary: That awkward moment when you forget you can’t sing]

Yet I don’t know how long this bubble of supportive fellow mothers lasts. Online mum forums are filled with tales of catty mums at the school gates and parents getting makeovers before the nativity play to avoid harsh judgements.

I’ve been astonished to read articles about the right handbag to carry on the school run so that you can keep up with the yummy mummies. I’ve been terrified to hear about the cliques that can form and the impact that can have on the children.

But then I remember that my mum friends and their husbands were a random selection of parents-to-be who happened to be taking an antenatal class at the same time as me. And other friends I have made simply because Harry crawled over to the same toy as their child at a playgroup. They’ve all been fabulous.

I hope that the competitiveness and cattiness is reserved for those mums that think it matters. Supportive, friendly other mothers have been one of the most positive aspects of parenting so far – so if you’re expecting a baby then I recommend you sign up for antenatal classes as soon as you can.

What do you think? Are other mums a godsend or can they be a nightmare? Share your experiences with me and other readers using the comments below.