Katie Hopkins: We all know them but I can't stand 'em - the five types of mum I HATE

Controversial TV star Katie Hopkins, who is mum to India, 9, Poppy, 8 and five-year-old Max is blogging exclusively for Yahoo's parenting section. This week she dissects the five types of mum she just can't stand.

Parent Teachers Association mum

Having given up a job she loved for her kids, PTA mum has found her calling as head of the Parent Teachers Association. Volunteering for every awful school trip going; PTA mum has her CRB clearance taped to her forehead at all times. Raising a ‘staggering’ £34.52 last year from through 2500 hours of endless graft by exhausted mums, she sees herself as a sort of Melinda Gates – forever giving. Smug doesn’t even come close.

My advice: avoid at all costs. PTA mum is endlessly stalking volunteers. Before you know it PTA mum will sign you up to run the bouncy castle at the school fete and teach the goons in Key Stage 1 how to sew.

[Katie Hopkins: Why I'm not going into the Celebrity Big Brother house]

[Katie Hopkins: Lazy parent are breeding mute children through iPad dependency]

Home school mum

Held in high suspicion by all normal mums, home school mum has chosen to remove her precious kids from all human contact and spend her every waking moment in their company. They chant ‘mum knows best’ like a mantra at breakfast. Hairdressers and Tampax are regarded as a violation of their extreme family privacy. Home school kids tend to end up at real school at some point, terrified and wide eyed; beaten up for calling ‘Miss’ - ‘Mummy’  and hiding in the toilets from Brandon trying to cut off their absurdly long hair.

My Advice:  Any mother that wants to clone her kids when most normal children are nicking each other’s packed lunches and building dens is certifiable. Run.

Dad mum

The curious incident of the dad in the playground is perfect gossip fodder for regular mums.
Invariably short and beardy, the dad-mum usually works in a supremely dull public sector job in the Transport division. Imagining sex with dad-mum makes you gag in your mouth.

My advice: The dad-mum is to be avoided at all costs in case he tries to join you for coffee. Someone needs to tell him to grow a pair and man the hell up.

Eco mum

Eco-mum is never happy unless you see just how eco she is. She cycles to school with unwashed children clinging to the framework of her bike, helmet stuck to her egg white washed hair.
Usually called Pippa or Meredith, eco-mums up-cycle school uniforms from tablecloths and home craft shoes from strands of willow. This lot are invariably late; partly because they read The Guardian and are asserting their right to independence, mainly because they have been recycling uneaten cornflakes on top of the boiler.

My advice: feel pity for the kids. Their diet is raw vegan and they got lumbered with ‘Otis’ or ‘Oscar’ as names. Sneak them a crafty burger whenever you get the chance.

Fat mum
Lurking outside in her Citroen Picasso, fat mum does drop off and pick up without ever actually leaving the car. She glowers at the Lollipop Man, smashes over the pavement outside the gate and belches out her fat kids in a cloud of cigarette smoke and crisp packets. Fat mum is sometimes replaced by Fat dad. They look similar except the dad supports Arsenal.

My advice: Stare opened mouthed at her sheer size wearing only lycra and a sneer.