How to network like a pro according to body language expert Judi James

Who doesn't love a spot of networking?

Well in truth, most of us recoil at the prospect at another night out with clients, preferring a night in with last night's EastEnders and a glass or two than standing alone in a room full of strangers making small talk.

Yet for many of us networking is not just part of the job, it can be a way of getting a job - or even drumming up business if you’re self-employed.

People prefer to do business with people they have met face-to-face, preferably not under a hard sell scenario or as the result of a cold call.

Professional on-line sites might offer a chance to put your name or business out there, but you can’t beat a proper introduction that involves eye contact and a handshake if you want to create connections that work.

But only if you know exactly how to shine on the night.

You have to learn how to walk the fine line between arrogance and confidence when talking about yourself.

For all those shrinking violets out there, you’ll need to hide your shyness under an umbrella of authentic-looking confidence and know how to work the room like a society hostess.

Here are some tips to help you cope when your confidence is flagging and your feet are aching!...

Know your objective. If you’re invited to or hosting a networking event pin the reason for attending up foremost in your mind.

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Try to get a list of other delegates before the event. It doesn’t hurt to have a few target people in mind when you start to do the room.

Avoid taking anyone with you. If you go with a work colleague you’ll risk spending the entire event chatting to them because it makes you feel safe!
 
Plan your introduction. Other guests shouldn’t have to resort to peering at your name badge because they couldn’t hear you say your name and job title.

And on the subject of job titles, tell people what you do as well as what the job is called. ‘Hi I’m Sarah and I’m in IT’ is a bit of a conversation stopper but ‘I’m in IT which means I spend most of my day designing programmes for schools and colleges’ will stimulate interest and more questions.

Make the most of your entrance. Walking in is your prime time, so no shuffling around playing with your phone or scowling at other guests. Relax your facial expression into a friendly, confident smile, grab a drink from the tray and go straight up to introduce yourself to a group. If you stop for too long to think about it you’ll lose momentum and confidence and risk standing alone until someone rescues you.

Pick your groups well. Avoid approaching the lone guest unless you’re hosting and need to help them mingle. If you’re shy the last thing you’ll need is an equally shy person to stand next to. Two people together might feel like an intrusion if they’re deep in conversation, but three or more is usually a safe bet for breaking in.

Look for the biggest gap in the group and walk over to stand in it. Use your body language to get accepted, which means a quick eye-glance and a small smile to the people on either side of you rather than stopping the speaker to butt in verbally.

Allow whoever is speaking to finish but subtly mirror the group’s body language while you’re waiting, as it aids integration. Once their story is over dovetail your own comments by linking in, e.g: ‘That sounds as though you’re talking about Manchester, is that where you work...can I just introduce myself by the way? I’m Matt Evans and I supply staff for the catering industry....’etc.

If the group don’t let you in (and there are some feral group-huggers out there!) only stand waiting for a couple of seconds before waving to someone (even someone you made up!) across the other side of the room before dashing off. Lurking for longer will make you look like Billy No Mates.

Always give good shake. That first and often last touch will be integral to the overall impression you make.

Be a good listener. Networking events aren’t all about your performance. Listen and ask questions to sound interested. Avoid the phrase ‘Oh that sounds really interesting’ as it always sounds hollow. The reflecting technique is better, as in ‘You’re in the pharmaceutical business?’ repeated back after they have just told you. It will signal ‘Tell me more’ and sound more authentic.

Work on your small-talk. Good networkers keep an eye on all the local news and recent events that people are discussing and make sure they have some knowledge about them. If you find they’re discussing a subject you have no interest in you’ll need to fake it! ‘Oh I can’t stand modern art’ is a conversation-stopper but ‘I have to admit I don’t know much about modern art, which galleries would you recommend?’ is a stimulator.

Time your chats. You’re there to mingle so avoid conversations with one person that last more than about 8 – 10 minutes.

Never break away by saying you’re off to the loo or to refill your glass as it leaves the other guest stranded. You can tell them you feel you ought to mingle and ask if they can introduce you to anyone else there. If you’re hosting you need to be taking them across to make the introductions.

Beware the dreaded food and drink! Top wine up with soda water or better still stick to soft drinks and if you’re eating try to pick food that is easy to get from plate to mouth. Avoid chicken legs or anything made of flaky pastry or any salad that needs attacking with a knife and fork. No heavy-duty piling your plate or filling your glass, it implies you’re greedy and bad-mannered.

Keep the business cards until the end of your conversations. Dishing them out during introductions looks too much like a hard sell.