I am going against the grain here. Millions of women are fascinated by the series of books by over-night sensation EL James, dubbed "Mummy Porn". I seem to be one of the only women in the UK - maybe the world - who is not speedily downloading the next installation of Fifty Shades of Grey after devouring the first. In truth, I could not read the book in one sitting, or even a few evenings. It took me a month of dipping in and out, blushing and a very steep learning curve of what some people may get up to once the lights turn out - or the "Playroom" door shuts.
I thought I was a liberal, open-minded, been on the planet long enough to know a few things, kinda girl. Obviously not. It leads me to wonder what these ladies who are buying the books en-mass are missing. Are their sex lives not exciting enough? Is it, like me, an enlightenment of what else there is to experience (should you be so inclined), or is it an acceptable way to discover a world that women rarely step into? Or is that a huge generalisation and I am seriously lacking in some sex kudos. How on earth did I manage to gain a partner who is happy with "vanilla" sex?
So, I will admit it, I am 28 years old and I found the book shocking - not in a dirty, naughty way, but in a 'my face is burning red because I am reading a very well described sex scene of which I had never imagined' kinda way. I actively sought the book out, I was told it was fantastic by a friend, and almost every woman I have spoken to had read it - but I am gobsmacked that people are reading them and talking about it in the same way they talk about eating a bar of chocolate before they go to bed. My pulse was racing, my face was flaming and there was no way I could sleep after a few steamy pages, and now people are standing around the vending machine discussing it. I can't get my head around it. Are we all secretly wondering if our friends and colleagues are trying out some of the moves?
Are book clubs around the country discussing "what do you think the author meant when she described spanking in the bedroom context".
It leaves me wondering if in nine months' time there will be a baby boom, all thanks to EL James reinventing the sex lives of people across the UK and beyond - making multi-flavoured sex the preferred option.
Am I a prude of has another else been ever so slightly embarrassed reading this BDSM love story?