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Don't Be The Next Binky: Those Cheating Excuses Explained

When we finally found out that Alex HAD cheated on poor Binks on Made in Chelsea, we asked our body language expert to explain the truth behind those lies

Poor Binky! Having lain fallow relationship-wise for a couple of series of Made In Chelsea, watching with a mix of concern and smugness as her fellow Chelsea gals drowned in love-rat soup she finally swooped in to the much less louche-looking Alex.



While the likes of Spencer and Jamie seem to have no control whatsoever over the elasticity of their underpants, Alex seemed like a relatively safe bet.

After receiving a verbal tazering from Binky’s mum though (the closest thing to castration that Chelsea has to offer) he suddenly and suspiciously fell into some sort of intellectual coma when rumours about his own cheating began to surface, becoming totally unable to answer a direct question from an understandably near-hysterical Binky with a direct answer.

After several scenes of Bill Clinton-style verbal niftiness (“It depends what you mean by sex?”) he finally seemed to accept the possibility of a liaison.

So where do we go when even the good guys turn out to be possible cheats? Can philandering be spotted if we know how to read the signs? And what about those dialogues? Is a guy’s choice of words always going to reveal him as a player?



THE AMNESIA EXCUSE
This is so breathtakingly ridiculous as excuses go that it has some degree of potential. Alex turned the whole accusation into a scientific survey by looking desperately keen to find out himself what he might have been up to. However he might have forgotten the condition known colloquially as brewer’s droop, i.e. a man so drunk he has no idea what he is doing is probably also incapable of doing very much at all.

WHY IT MIGHT WORK: The ego tends to have a very strong self-protection system, meaning a girl might just want to believe this load of nonsense rather than accept her guy was attracted to another woman. Binky clearly put this one to rest by asking how he could not really remember what he was putting his man bits into. Any girl with an IQ above 2 should also notice that a man who forgets about sex is also likely to have forgotten about condoms too. Very wide berth time!

GRILLING FROM THE MOTHER
Some girls naively believe that they can trust a man who has told their mother they are innocent of the charge of cheating. Of course your mother is probably the last person on this planet that your man will be honest to as she is also the most likely to perform a castration with the breadknife.

WHY IT MIGHT WORK: Because, like poor Binky, most girls believe their mother’s sixth sense. Mummy Binks was clearly taken in, especially when Alex started faux-flirting over the lunch table.



WHY IT CAN BE DANGEROUS: This is a line that should never be crossed. As Binky yelled out: “You lied to my mother!” Tellingly, this came much higher up on the list of misdemeanours than “You had sex with someone else”.

SHIFTING THE BLAME
Alex turned in a ‘shifting the blame’ master class that should have provided tips to all guys watching. When confronted, instead of denial, he made the rumour-mongers sound like the bad guys, ending his evasive-sounding conversation with Mummy Binks with the words: ‘Hopefully this will be the last Binks and I will hear of it’. Super-smart psychology, making him sound like a rather disappointed headmaster telling off Mummy Binks for daring to repeat the scurrilous gossip.

WHY IT MIGHT WORK: It’s a clever form of mind-game and it worked on Mummy Binks who clearly thought she could spot a wrong ‘un a mile off.

WHY IT CAN BE DANGEROUS: If your girlfriend has a chum called Cheska who would make Sherlock Holmes look like an amateur when it comes to detecting a crime of passion, watch out. Egg on faces all round, but especially Mummy Binks, who should have been able to read the signs and protect her daughter. Either castration could be on the cards, or Binky and Mummy Binks will now need to believe and defend Alex against all odds because they don’t want to look like two women with wonky instincts.



[Yahoo Wedding Blog: Why I WILL have a feminist wedding]

[MiC: What does Cheska know about Alex cheating?]





SAYING “I LOVE YOU”
WHY IT MIGHT WORK: Telling a girl you have cheated on that you love her can raise the relationship to a different level and imply you only cheated pre the ‘love’ watershed.

WHY IT WON’T WORK ANY MORE: Jamie helpfully smashed this one out of the water with the words: ‘If that’s not a sign of guilt I don’t know what is!’ Thanks for the warning, Jamie!

THE “YOU KNOW WHAT I’M LIKE” EXCUSE
This is far more Spencer Matthews than Alex and sadly Spencer’s ‘honest’ cheating is looking increasingly attractive by the episode. Saying “I hoped you might change” brings out comments about leopards and spots, leaving the victim of the cheating looking stupid and naive.

WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: Because eventually women like Binky’s mummy will be queuing round the block to get you to date their daughters as at least they can dish out dire warnings at the start of the relationship rather than being made to look foolish along with their girls at the end.



AND AWAY FROM CHELSEA…

“IT MEANT NOTHING”
This is a classic line used by cheaters keen to impress their partners with the strength of their feelings. It has a Game of Thrones feel to it, i.e. “We are the true power couple and they were just insignificant bits on the side”.

WHAT IT SAYS: That the cheater is both arrogant and stupid. If the other person was so insignificant then why bother?

TURNING A STATEMENT INTO A QUESTION
As in, “Do you really think I would do something like that?” which places the onus on the accuser to come up with the answer. It also provides valuable time for the accused to think on their feet. Any victim of cheating who hasn’t encountered this line before is likely to fall into the trap of saying “No, but they told me you had...etc.”, which gives the cheat the opportunity to build their excuse around your ‘paranoia’.

“IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR NEGLECTING ME”
This is a popular gambit because it takes the hot brick of guilt and tosses it into the accuser’s hands. This might sound like an idiot’s excuse but it can work. Why? Because the accuser is often confused and grief-stricken and it seems to give them a degree of control in the situation. If they change their ways it might not happen again. Horrible and more successful that it deserves to be.