Cyber-bulling and what parents can do

Hands up who’d heard of Ask.fm before last week? Right. And while every parent in the land has probably heard of Ask.fm now - and is probably pretty worried about its increasing membership - the fact is, there are bags of other Ask.fms out there: sites and apps you haven’t heard of yet, and will probably only hear about if they hit the papers for all the wrong reasons.

Make no mistake, I’m editor of a website dedicated to celebrating the amazing opportunities opening up for our children in this connected world. I’m not scared of progress, and I’m not even scared of Ask.fm. But what I am rather scared about is the assumption that if you topple this dubious king of anonymous bullying, you stop the problem.

Now hands up who was bullied at school. Hands up who knew someone who was bullied at school. And now keep your hands up if you told your parents. Or a teacher. I see a lot of imaginary hands being put back in imaginary pockets.

Bullying is nothing new, and kids keeping it to the themselves is nothing new, but that last issue is one that we actually can try to fix ourselves. Without boycotts, without fear-mongering. Let politicians rattle their sabres, until the next big story comes along for them. Meanwhile, as parents, we can actually do something practical.

[Is the internet damaging your daughter?]
[Majority of parents check up on their children using Facebook]

We can choose to open our eyes and learn about the stuff kids are using – and in the most part, enjoy using. We polled British parents earlier in the year and found that 71 per cent of parents find it difficult to keep up with technology.

Sites like Quib.ly can help parents stay in the know. And not just with the scary stuff, but the cool stuff too. For every Ask.fm there are hundreds more exciting apps, learning opportunities and ways to broaden our kids’ worlds.

Ask.fm is just one thing, but before this there was Formspring, and snapping at its heels is Omegle (with its pitch: ‘talk to strangers’) and Snapchat (with its self-combusting photos ideal for ‘sexting’). Teenagers have ample time on their hands and are naturally brave and explorative, they will find these new spaces way before us. They’re early adopters by nature. But we can listen and learn. Why not outright ask them what they think about new social platforms Keek, or Pheed?

It’s an unfair stereotype to see all teenagers as uncommunicative lumps. A recent new member of Quib.ly really impressed us with his willingness to reach out to our parents and give them the benefit of his experiences. He’s 16, and a regular user of social media including Ask.fm.

Responding to a Quib.ly question about whether Ask.fm should be closed, he showed incredible insight that I think we would all find it hard to find fault with. The older generation, who should be guiding and teaching, are missing the mark:

“The most important thing is discovering why teenagers feel compelled to send abusive messages in the first place. Once per year for the past five years I was subject to an almost identical lesson on staying safe online which was useless, dull and boring. We need a massive overhaul of how we teach children e-safety and it needs to be engaging and interesting.

“Technology is our friend, not our enemy; if people embraced technology in all its glory they would be able to relate to young people and provide actual assistance. Five-minute PowerPoint presentations by a 60 year old guy who has never used Facebook in his life does not suffice to teaching children correctly about the internet. We need third party agencies to undertake interactive learning days in all schools at least twice each academic year.

“To put it simply: we cannot blame websites for the lousy standard of education we provide our children. Would you blame a car company because your child hasn't learned to drive?”

We need to talk to our kids. I know, I know, we’re already talking to our kids. Probably more openly and just more than our parents talked to us, but are we talking about the right stuff?

Some 56 per cent of parents seek help from their children with technology. I find it really encouraging is that so many of us are already talking to our kids about technology, and respecting their opinions and knowledge. Now if we can just move the conversation on a little from them showing us how to fix something that’s broken, to them telling us about their experiences online, we’ll be getting somewhere.