I fell for a guy I met on holiday after about two weeks of seeing him - I'm pretty much a sucker for love. He's perfect, which is completely unexpected as I normally go for some blue-eyed bad boy. Things have been going great but then last week I received a text from an ex "blue-eyed bad boy" - the one I never seem to have got over. I told him I am seeing someone but he says his misses me blah blah. Another mind game? Wanting one thing? Should I believe him? Can I resist him? And this drama has made me question my feelings for my other Mr Perfect. Advice, please!
I've never understood the attraction of the bad boy but that's because I'm a man. Bad girls are not similarly coveted. We don't fancy women more because they can beat up other girls or open beer bottles with their teeth. I can appreciate bad boys seem quite cool when you're at school but I'm not sure what benefits they offer in adult life, apart from opportunities to stroke a Staffordshire Bull Terrier.
So I can't really empathise. But what I can say is that if you're wondering whether you can trust ol' blue eyes, I think the clue is in the term "bad boy". I'm presuming he's messed you about before, so he will definitely do so again. Yet you'll keep going back for more because you find it so thrilling to be sexually touched by a man with an anti-establishment ideology.
[See also: 'Is he playing mind games?']
This is bad news for Mr. Perfect, who is being punished just because he isn't horrible enough. But if something good can come from this, maybe it's you realising the bloke you fell in love with after two weeks isn't the right one after all. And nor is the bad boy, because he's too bad.
Maybe you should have a bit of 'me time' and stop dating men impulsively, irrespective of their suitability. Be picky. Surely there's a geezer out there who strikes the right balance between 'bad' and 'nice'. Someone who's a bit cool and cheeky, but with a good heart. Eamonn Holmes, basically. He's the one. Go for it.
Yes, it definitely seems you're a sucker for something, although I'm not sure it's love. Ah "bad boys" - they're so sexy and romantic, like James Dean and Phil Mitchell. Let's remember of course "bad boys" are not 'bad' because they don't pick up litter and never get their tax return in on time. It is usually because they eye up other women, don't call when they say they will, despise commitment and generally mess you about. Hot!
The problem is we always want something more if it is just out of our reach and we have to work for it. So while Mr. Perfect Holiday Man turns up to meet you on time with some flowers, the one that forgets your birthday and calls you Carol by accident will always have an appealing air of mystery about him.
This works the other way around too. It's very telling this guy suddenly misses you now he knows you are seeing someone else. If there's one thing that bad boys hate, it's someone taking their place in your affections. They might not want you, but they like to know you're still there in case they get lonely.
Whether or not you can resist bad boy's dubious charms is up to you. Go and meet him if you want to hear what he has to say, but I will guess it won't be much different from the last time you heard it.
Why not give Perfect Holiday Man a proper chance? If you want to recreate some of your previous excitement you can always ask him to ignore you at regular intervals or say your legs look fat. See if that helps.
Or check out past responses to readers' dating dilemmas.
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