How to tell them you want to be more than friends
I fancy one of my friends. How can I find out if he feels the same without humiliating myself and possibly ruining the friendship?
Jen
Kevin says:
There are three ways you can handle this:
1. Wait for him to make a move.
2. Drop some clanging hints you fancy him and then back off if he doesn't take the bait.
3. Get drunk and tell him.
Number two is by far the most sensible option. Even if the hint is really obvious, like you stare at his willy for 25 minutes, you can still both pretend it never happened and carry on as before.
Number three is riskier because friendships are not generally compatible with unrequited fancying. But you needn't be humiliated, as long as you accept it when he doesn't feel the same. Staying friends after that will be quite easy for him because he only sees you as a mate anyway and he'll probably forget your confession eventually... or at least assume the matter is closed.
[See also: How to tell them you 'just want to be friends']
The bigger issue is whether you want to stay friends with someone while always wishing it was something more. It might seem nice hanging out together but you could be kidding yourself. If you spend a lot of friend-time with someone you fancy, you can almost pretend you're in a relationship with them, in a crazy deluded stalker kind of way. But there's one big difference: You will never be able to touch that willy. And that must become your mantra.
Christine says:
Well, you could try telepathy, or cold reading, or tarot cards, or more reliably - guessing. But the only way you're going to know for sure is to ask him. If that's too terrifying for you then why not get one of your other friends to test the water and gauge his reaction? You could at least find out first if there is any interest without having to lay yourself wide open, if you know what I mean.
It's just like the lottery; it will be tense and you'll probably have to sit through that annoying quiz bit at the beginning before you get to the result, but you've got to be in it to win it. You know you already get on so it's got to be worth a try. No one dislikes someone just for liking them, even if they don't feel the same way and especially if you're already friends. What you will do is flatter him and put the idea in his head that you could be more than that, which you can guarantee he will go away and think about.
On the other hand, if your friend runs the idea past him and he cracks up laughing for half an hour then maybe you should leave it for now and no harm done. You have provided enough distance from the conversation that you can just ignore it and carry on. Besides, asking someone out isn't exactly humiliation. Humiliation is when your skirt blows up on an escalator and you've forgotten to put pants on or when your mum goes on Britain's Got Talent to bellydance. But hey, you never know when you might just get three yeses…
Have a dating dilemma you'd like solved? Ask our resident
agony aunt/uncle for an honest, heartfelt and humorous response. Send
your questions to lady.scamp@yahoo.co.uk
Or check out past responses to readers' dating dilemmas.
Looking for love? Find someone special with Yahoo!
