How to get over a crush
Dear Lady and the Scamp
,
I am 16 years old and about a year ago I joined a new club where I became friends with a girl, who I have developed a strong crush on. But she is 20 years old, has a boyfriend and doesn't appear interested in me. I know that to continue harbouring these feelings would be unhealthy, so please give me some advice on how to get rid of my crush on her.
Chris
Kevin says:
Unfortunately, a crush is not like a mouldy apple or an invitation to William Hague's birthday party. You can't get rid of it just by throwing it out and waiting until the bin men come to take it away. A crush is a living thing; a parasite that will consume you unless you take decisive preventative measures.
The good news is you've already cracked the most important stage: acknowledging that the crush will not be reciprocated. As the saying goes, it's the hope that kills you, rather than the looking at her Facebook photos with your trousers around your ankles. So if you've accepted it will never happen, you are on the road to recovery.
But this stage is so vital that even if you think you are through it, you should go back over it a second time — like a farmer determined to crush a badger with his Range Rover. If there is any smidgen of optimism about a future relationship between you and the girl, such as "she smiled at me yesterday" or "her boyfriend might die", it must be stamped out ruthlessly before you move on to stage two.
Stage two can take two forms.
1) You cut off all contact with her; leave the club you joined, stop being friends, end the Facebook sessions and gradually your crush will fade away until it is extinguished. Or…
2) You tell her you like her, providing you can risk the humiliation of being patronised. At least it will be off your chest. I don't think there are many 20-year-old girls that would go out with a 16-year-old lad, so you shouldn't take it personally.
Stage three is when you get a crush on someone else, at some undetermined point in the future. Then, if she doesn't like you either, you can start again.
[Related article: Are you falling for someone, but don't know it?]
Christine says:
Hmm yes, there does appear to be a hat-rick of reasons why it's probably better you got over this girl. It's very mature of you to know it's probably best to move on and not follow her around staring and sniffing her jumper when she leaves it on the table. It can take people twice your age years to work that out. Although in my defence, his jumper did smell amazing.
There are many ways to get over someone. Here are a selection of most men's favourites when a girl doesn't reciprocate their feelings: wishing ill upon them, like hoping they get bedbugs or that black mould in their bathroom grouting you cant get rid of. Being nasty or aloof; this includes laughing at them, sarcastic comments and flat out ignoring. Over compensation; boasting, flaunting another girl in their face and loud discussion of 'crazy' nights out. Denial; deny ever liking her in the first place and if anyone ever suggests you did, go mental at them.
However, you're very young and you have years ahead of you to perfect these techniques. So in the meantime, the best way is to meet someone else. Feelings are like the flu and can be transferred from one person to another very successfully.
They say it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Yeah whatever. Sometimes it's better to bail out early when you can see heartbreak clearly signposted ahead. You're 16, so don't worry, there will be loads more girls in the future, that also don't like you. Welcome to adulthood.
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