How to know if she really likes you
Dear Lady and the Scamp,
I really fancy my friend and one night I got the courage to tell her and she was like "oh that's sweet". Our texting then started to get flirtier and the next time we met, she snogged me (no alcohol involved). I was really happy, she was holding my hand and everything. She even called me hot (I don't agree obviously). But since then things slipped back to being friends unfortunately. I texted her to try and find out if she did ever or does fancy me and she said no. I really like her, advise me please!
Duncan
Kevin says:
You know those people who give out free cheese samples in supermarkets? You remind me of them. Not the people, but the cheese.
I think your lovely friend has spotted the chance of some freebie canoodling and snapped it up. A try before you buy. But she's keeping her money in her pocket.
Whenever I eat cheese handed out by supermarket people, I always compliment them on the taste of the cheese. It's because I feel a bit guilty about getting free stuff, and it raises their hopes that maybe I'll commit to buying a whole block. But I have no intention of doing so. And similarly, it seems your friend had no intention of committing to anything beyond her one-off taster snog. She was just a bit peckish.
I don't profess to know everything about women, but I'm pretty sure that if they respond to your sexy advances by saying "oh that's sweet", this means you will never gain access to their privates.
Having said that, she must find you at least slightly attractive to have snogged you. So I wonder if the biggest problem is your lack of self-confidence (why don't you agree that you're hot??). This can put some girls off. Maybe she is taking you for granted and thinks you're too easy and soppy.
This means your only hope - and it's a long shot - is to be more aloof and hope she starts to appreciate you for the great person you are. Sorry if that sounds a bit cheesy.
[Related article: How to know when you're in the friends zone]
Christine says:
I have to stick up for the girl here and say I don't think she's done anything that wrong, other than give you slightly mixed messages but there could be a simple reason for this.
Men are a lot more black and white about these things, they're usually 'I fancy her', or 'I don't fancy her', but women are strange creatures. They can be put off easily but they can also be talked round. Ten minutes ago you were friends and now you've dropped the bomb that you want it to be more, so maybe she was just trying to get herself in the right frame of mind to date you?
She obviously liked you enough that it wasn't an instant 'no way Jose!' (or Duncan) but how does she know if it could be more without testing it.
It's a bit like the first time you try olives. No one's a fan of olives straight off, you have to decide you want to try them and then give them a couple of goes in different scenarios: with a drink, without a drink, in something.
Once you've done this for a while you either decide you love olives and you can't believe you ever lived without them. Or you conclude that you don't like olives. But you had to give them a try to know which way this was going to go.
I think this is what's happened. You're a good friend to her and she thought if she gave it a try something great could emerge from your friendship. She tried the kissing, the hand holding and the affirmations 'you are hot, yes you are, yes siree, hot, hot, hot', and then waited for the fireworks.
But they didn't come, so she had to admit defeat. Give her full marks for trying, but accept you'll just have to go back to being friends. It's not your fault. Some people just don't like olives.
