Me and my boyfriend are extremely close, or so I thought until this weekend when I came across a programme he had recorded. It was a 40+ porn show, I burst into tears and couldn't bring myself to speak to him for the entire day. I'm 26 and he is 34, although I know he is into older women. I am open to anything fantasy wise and I don't know if I'm more horrified by him not trusting me enough to tell me or the fact he finds grannies attractive. The lady on the programme was without a doubt over 55. Please help me as I'm seriously thinking about ending this relationship, or do you think I'm overreacting?
Anon
Kevin says
I have on occasion accidentally stumbled upon these "porn shows" you mention. And one thing about the genre that never fails to surprise me is the breadth of humanity's sexual fetishes. There is seemingly not a thing on earth that doesn't make someone out there horny. Be it older women, younger women, uniforms, feet... at this point I will employ the comic device of listing ridiculous items that couldn't possibly be sexual... fridges, biscuits, Ann Widdecombe. Haha, how silly. But it's no joke. Because I bet if I Googled 'sex fridges' I would find someone genuinely aroused by fridges. Having sex on a fridge, or with a fridge, or in a fridge. These people exist.
So it's hardly surprising that your bloke has a thing for grannies. If it wasn't grannies, it would have been something else. Such as coasters or pterodactyls. You and I don't fancy the elderly so to us, his penchant for pensioners seems weird and depraved. But there are things I find attractive that he would probably think are depraved. I'm not telling you what, except that it involves salmon. Our strange quirks are what make us all the same.
Don't take this the wrong way, but your heartfelt plea for help made me snigger. A man who fancies grannies — that's funny. What a weirdo. And this is why he hasn't told you. It's hugely embarrassing, and he was scared you'd be appalled.
But I think if I were a woman, I'd prefer my boyfriend to fancy grannies rather than teenagers, as most men do. At least you have chance of competing — maybe not immediately, but in 20 years or so.
So you really should not end the relationship because of this. The best way you can react, if you're "open to anything", is by donning a comfy cardigan with some sensible shoes and getting a blue rinse. Your sex life will never get old after that.
Christine says
You're maybe slightly over reacting but I can still understand why you were upset. Men like to look at things. We know that. New car engines, pictures of guns, and ladies. Preferably naked ladies. This is natural and more fool any woman that wants to try and prevent nature.
However, I have two problems with this.
1) Sorry, he Sky Plussed this show? Did he add a series link in case he missed important plot details in the rest of the 40+ series? This was rude and insensitive. No woman wants to sit down with a cup of tea ready to watch Eastenders and be faced with mum porn. Still it would be worse if he started buying the boxset.
2) Just because a man is 'a bit into something' it doesn't mean the woman has to just go along with it. If he were a single man he could indulge in any of his weird peccadilloes, but he isn't, he's in a relationship. Which means there are two people that need to be turned on here and if he's now making you feel sick then he might be sitting in front of his TV on his own soon.
In saying that, I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. You don't even know if he enjoyed watching it yet. Also don't fall into the trap of taking it as an insult to you, after all they're only middle-aged women, they're not donkeys. Look at it this way, if you see a life with him long term then at least he won't mind when you start getting crow's feet and saggy arms. Bonus!
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