Dear Lady and The Scamp,
I have been dating my boyfriend for three months, we are already living together and he is a sweetheart. He is very kind, caring and affectionate but considering his past relationships and adventures - he proudly says he "loves women" - I wonder if I will be enough for him. Every day I wonder if he has been faithful to me. I go home early from work, check his phone - I don't even recognize myself anymore. I am desperately looking for signs to give me peace of mind. I have no proof he is cheating but I can't go on like this. Advice?
Giorgi
Christine says:
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT. That is the best advice I can give you. Just stop being a crazy lady. It will ruin your sanity and your relationship. I agree it's probably not the greatest idea he's ever had to tell you how much he 'loves women' but sometimes men are idiots, just like you're being now. How would you feel if he checked your phone? It's a controlling thing to do and once you've started, it just breeds more and more paranoia.
What signs are you looking for that will give you peace of mind? A picture of you with hearts drawn around it? Or a picture of another woman with 'Cor!' written on it? This is your low self-esteem talking, and if you carry on I wouldn't be surprised if you drove him away.
If you believe that all men are unreliable hound dogs that need to be chained to a lamppost or they'll try and hump your neighbour's leg, then that's probably what you'll end up with. There is nothing more likely to drive someone anyway, man or woman, than a suspicious, phone checking, fun-sucking, binocular-carrying, jealous other half.
You have to accept you can't make someone be with you or stop someone cheating on you, so why use your spare time for evil? Why not put your time and energy into making your relationship so good that he'd never want to be with anyone else. Alternatively, chuck him out and find a man who says who hates women. What could go wrong?
Kevin says:
This sounds like a zombie film where the person gets bitten and is helpless to prevent their gradual transformation into a flesh-chomping monster. But instead of joining the undead, you appear to be turning into something equally terrifying - a Psycho Girlfriend.
Perhaps you got bitten by another Psycho Girlfriend in a drunken fight outside a Chicken Cottage? Who knows, but whatever the reason, you're heading for relationship carnage at this rate.
All men have had "past relationships and adventures" - the difference is they won't tell you about them. Bless your fella; purring about the delights of beautiful women like Tony Curtis's reanimated corpse. It sounds like he's too candid for his own good.
But this doesn't mean he's cheating. And his carefree attitude will disappear quicker than a box of Krispy Kremes on James Corden's coffee table if he finds out you've been checking through his stuff like a desperate detective.
The good news is that, unlike a zombie metamorphosis, the descent into girlfriend psychosis can be reversed. It's encouraging that you're questioning your behaviour. Now you just need to follow it up by looking in the mirror every morning and saying "I'm not a zombie". It's worked for Mariah Carey all these years.
Of course, none of this proves he ISN'T cheating on you but you don't appear to have any evidence, despite looking for it! If you're that worried, just tell him how you feel and let him prove his innocence. Just put the knife down before you ask him.
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