The Great Comic Relief Bake Off: Episode One – Soggy Bottoms Were The Least Of Our Celebs’ Problems
Dame Edna Everage comes out of retirement to cause chaos on the Comic Relif Bake Off: Raw cakes, vodka butterceam and a...freestyling approach to measurements ensured hilarity throughout
It was a clash of the comedic greats (and Lulu) last night in the first of four special celebrity bake offs for Comic Relief.
Soggy bottoms were the least of this lot’s worries, as all manner of baking misfortunes befell Dame Edna, Joanna Lumley, Jennifer Saunders and the diminutive Scottish singer.
The first challenge was to make an iced giant biscuit or cookie. Joanna and Dame Edna got off to a flying start with their measurements – Joanna wasn’t sure what a tablespoon was, while Dame E – who came out of retirement especially for GCRBO (Great Comic Relief Bake Off) – decided to rely on instinct, a tactic she was confident would secure her victory in the competition.
Lulu look set to be an early, if flappable, leader, kneading her Westie-shaped Scottish shortbread with impressive artistry.
Joanna opted for a complex double-layered cookie, and Jennifer went off piste with a French toast cookie coated with syrup and served with bacon, with some baking powder thrown in for good measure.
“So are you expecting it to rise?” asked a perplexed Mary Berry. Judging by the uncomfortable pause that followed, Jen clearly hadn’t received the memo that baking powder is a raising agent. ‘Is that what would happen?’ The end result was, as Sue helpfully predicted, much like ‘an edible pillow’.
Dame E, looking resplendent in fuchsia, prepared a ginger and nut creation with unsieved wisteria icing that decorated more of her face than the biscuit. Not one ‘bound by rules’, she told Mary she intended to ‘cook it until it’s cooked, Possum’. Once again, Sue hit the nail on the head, describing its lunar texture as ‘something you’d find in a dermatology convention.’
The judges, on the whole, weren’t displeased with the results. Lulu’s Westie gave good crumble, Jennifer’s biscuit had crispy edges with a nice, soft filling, Joanna created a ‘beautiful cookie’, and despite the subtle hints of aluminium in Dame E’s offering (the mixture had welded itself to the tin in the oven), the texture wasn’t bad.
Technically Challenged
The technical challenge of 12 mini fruit tarts proved less successful. Lulu added egg whites instead of yolks, resulting in a dubious rice pudding-type concoction, Dame E’s pastry became BFFs with the rolling pin and the rice grains that were used to hold Joanna’s pastry down in the oven had to be individually removed after baking into the dough.
It was Jennifer who triumphed – judge Paul Hollywood graciously deemed her pastry ‘not bad at all’, despite the cream being ‘dropped from a height’.
The final round and it was anyone’s game. Well, except for Dame E, who confessed to self-sabotage to allow the others to excel. What a lady.
A tiered chocolate cake inspired by a memorable occasion was the on the menu. Jennifer plumped for a Tracey Emin-style bed with vodka buttercream in homage to Ab Fab’s Edina; Dame E hoped to recreate the Sydney Opera House; Lulu, a record player celebrating the 50th anniversary of Shout; and Joanna planned to go all out with an ambitious spun sugar-festooned aurora borealis.
Inadvertently adding coffee instead of cocoa to the mix quickly put the kibosh on this, as the Ab Fab star was forced to start over while the others were popping their bakes in the oven.
Lulu also bit off more than she could chew, bursting into celebratory song while slicing her tiers, before one collapsed in on itself. Crestfallen, she look set to abandon hope of getting her cake iced, but Sue came to the rescue with Opera-esque fighting talk. “Lulu doesn’t lose mojo. Lulu IS mojo.”
Dame E confessed to her Opera House resembling ‘a famous iconic building after a nuclear attack’, but it was Joanna’s half burnt, half-raw attempt (hastily rebranded ‘A Walk in a Winter Park’ when it became clear the spun sugar would never look like anything other than ‘pig’s nostrils’) that stole the show for its monstrousness.
Despite the baking powder in Joanna’s cake burning Paul’s tongue, the judges seemed reasonably impressed by everyone’s efforts. Edina’s bed, however, was the undisputed winner and funny gal Jennifer was declared Star Baker. Hurrah!
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