Grandad kisses, LinkedIn and Edward Norton: All the signs were there, yet I chose to ignore them all

I recently landed a pretty amazing job, a job which gave the illusion I was more successful than I really am.
While doing this job, I met Luke who was working as an assistant.

I clocked him almost immediately because he was absolutely, ridiculous looking...not ridiculous like a mad clown, as in ridiculously gorgeous.

In fact, he was quite the talk of the office and everyone said he looked like a younger, fitter Edward Norton (edgy), crossed with an Abercrombie model (genetically perfect).

OK, so maybe only one person said that, but was definitely on the money.

He seemed really interested in me and what I was doing there, throwing in that he was thinking about going into the same thing once he had finished his degree.

After the job finished, he tweeted me (so modern) and asked me out for a drink - I actually couldn't believe I had managed to bag such a mega hunk.

Or that all my friends would see the tweet from said mega hunk.

Later that week he picked me up in his car (another plus) and took me out to dinner, paying for everything without even a second glance at the bill- an excellent quality in a man. I reckoned I was on to a winner.

Again, he seemed really keen on talking about my job the whole time, still, at least he wasn't talking about himself all the time.

He really did want to know everything, how I got to where I am now, my qualifications... my bosses email address... How nice to find a chap who was interested in ME for a change!

He even wanted to add me on LinkedIn, which I thought was really sweet.

I noticed that he wasn't exactly a brilliant kisser - i can only liken it to when my grandad kisses me on the cheek at Christmas only on the lips.

Still, I carried on seeing him thinking maybe things would be better once we went a step further.

For our fourth meeting, we decided he would come to mine to cook dinner and afterwards, we did well, you know what.

It didn't exactly pan out as I had imagined.

After insisting we turn all the lights off and pull the blinds we were left in pitch black and considering his  approach I may as well have been a blow-up doll that he bought on eBay.

It was as if he had read a manual on how to 'please a lady' (ick) and was just 'punching in numbers' to get it over with.

It was beyond awful.

I found myself spending the next six minutes hoping actual Edward Norton doesn't use the same moves.

From that fateful night onwards every time we spoke, or even saw each other the conversation would go like this: 'hey how are you', 'great thanks, you?' ','how's work?'

This subsequently descended into: 'I think we should work together, don't you think we should work together?'

It was only then that it dawned on me - like the the horrible twist in Fight Club - Ed Luke was a networker.

I was on the reverse side of a frickin' casting couch that I didn't even know I was on.

He thought he was flippin’ sleeping his way to the top!

Talk about a big fat blow (no pun intended) to my already presently-critical singleton self esteem.

It just goes to show that when it comes to relationships, it's not just women who can have ulterior motives.

Watch your backs, bitches.

[Read last week's: An online date, five angry Australians and an orthopedic shoe]