Does anyone remember my brush with Amazing Adriana? In a nutshell, she was Amazing but our first date took a funny turn when she revealed she could never date an atheist. So I considered pretending that I believed in God. But then she never contacted me again and I wondered if it was because of the atheist thing.
Finished? Well, here's part two, which picks up three months later...
I'm sitting on the tube, minding my own business, when I get a text from — you've guessed it - Amazing Adriana. There was a period after she jilted me when, every time I got a text, I hoped it would be from her. But now I was just baffled. What possible reason could she have for getting in touch this far down the line? Possible options...
- She had been seeing someone else and it had ended
- She had re-evaluated her opinion of me
- She needed money
- God had pissed her off
Anyway I didn't bring up the jilting but I replied. We bantered, and she expressed embarrassment at her "drunken religious tirade" on our first date. Then she asked me out for date number two "if I was still interested". My curiosity compelled me to accept.
When we met, I quickly realised why I'd liked her so much in the first place; she was hot, funny and self-deprecating. It was fun but there was an elephant in the room. After about three pints, I grabbed it by the trunk, hauled myself onto its back and sat there looking at her.
"So what happened to you for the past three months?"
"I thought you might bring that up," she replied sheepishly.
Her excuse, slightly disappointingly, seemed perfectly reasonable. She said that after our date she kept thinking about her ex, so she tried to get back with him, and did, but it was a doomed attempt and they split up again soon afterwards. Nothing about atheists.
She apologised for the lack of explanation for her disappearance, saying she didn't know "the protocol for these things". She said she'd had a great time on our first date, which is why she swallowed her pride and contacted me three months later.
I'm going to fast forward through some bits now: namely a cab ride back to hers, more dates, drinks, dinners cooked for each other and some sex.
A month later, we appear to be in the early stages of a kind-of-relationship. But despite my early enthusiasm, I have almost 100% decided that this will go nowhere because she's not right for me. She's too intense, very temperamental, rather needy and — worst of all — annoying.
That said, Adriana is a really bright and interesting girl, and we've had several illuminating and sincere conversations over the past month. But one topic has still not come up.
At first I was avoiding the A word, thinking I'd wait until she knew me better before officially declaring my godlessness. But now, as I looked for a way out of this fling, I wondered if my secret atheism could be a blessing, as it were.
The thing is, I am terrible at breaking off relationships, even casual ones. So a legitimate reason to split up is always a massive bonus. And maybe, just maybe, I had one. Unless she already knew, which she surely did, didn't she?
I finally went for it when Adriana was grilling me about why I wasn't replying to most of her texts. She said she expected us to be spending more time together.
I could have given her the truth — "It's because you are annoying". But I had something better and less harsh. I reminded her of our first date, when she'd drunkenly revealed she'd never go out with an atheist. Her jaw dropped.
"Are you an atheist?" she shrieked.
"I thought you knew!" I exclaimed.
"No," she replied, looking somewhat dazed.
I said this had been on my mind, which it hadn't, and that there was no point continuing if we weren't theologically compatible, was there?
"I can't believe you're an atheist," she said.
But soon it all made sense. As we sat dissecting the failings of our six-week relationship; the fact we had bickered, that I didn't go to her birthday party, that I once broke off a snog to answer my phone... it made sense now.
And when we parted for the last time, she had come round to my way of thinking: this wasn't going to work, and neither of us were that Amazing after all.
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