If you ever look at the comments people add to my articles, two things will stand out. 1.) I am about as popular as Nick Clegg and 2.) A lot of the people commenting seem mentally unhinged.
That's fully expected in the comments sections of websites, although I've always wondered what these keyboard warriors are really like. And recently, I had the pleasure of finding out, with quite astonishing results.
On one of my recent articles, a friend of mine noted that an attractive girl called "Ellen" had written an unusually sweet comment. We looked at her profile and I sent her a virtual thumbs-up, then forgot about it.
A few weeks later, I received an email saying that Ellen and I were now "connected" (i.e. we had each other's email address).
So I wrote, saying hello and explaining who I was. She replied, saying who she was — namely, a Berlin-born marketing masters student based in Surrey. She seemed nice. We had a bit of polite banter for the next few days. Then Ellen went off-topic. She sent me a message that I can not do justice to by paraphrasing, so I'm just going to paste chunks of it here.
[See also: Ten people you shouldn't ask out]
Hey Dan ;)
A promising wink to begin, which is followed by a tale about a 'perfect' ex- boyfriend who broke her heart when he got another girl pregnant. She recalls…
I was shocked when I found out he's having a baby with someone else and the thought that he'll never be only mine anymore made me physically sick.
Err… this is a bit heavy. I plough on…
The thing is, I'm 25 now and I always wanted to have a child at 27 and this guy left me heart-broken and hopeless to find someone before the 'deadline'. Not only that, he's having what I so much wanted and he's having it with someone else...
Although I'm touched that Ellen has gained enough trust in me over the course of our six previous emails to open up, I'm wondering why she is telling me this stuff. But this is just the beginning. She continues…
What I'm about to say is going to sound extremely weird, mad and maybe even sick. And I know I'll later regret saying this but here comes...
My heart is pounding now. Where on earth is this going? Where on earth? Here's where…
Why don't we have a baby?
What? Well that sounds a bit MAD, I think. But Ellen has anticipated that reaction …
I know it sounds mad, but it makes perfect sense when you think about it.
I am thinking about it. Seeking perfect sense…
Of course I'd like to have a child with 'The One' but it might take years just to find that person and years to get to the stage where we both want/are ready for a baby. And what if after all those years I realise he's not actually 'The One'... Then I'll have to start the search all over again.
That actually does make sense. I am coming round to this plan…
It would be a partnership which would benefit us both. We'd be able to continue searching for 'The One' and there will be no pressure on the person, no confusion is he/she really is 'The One' or are we just desperate... And so what if we never find him/her, so what if we've already met him/her and they got away... When we get old and wrinkly we can at least say that we've done everything we can. And we won't regret not settling down with just anyone for the sake of having a child. We won't do that because we'll have one.
So what do you say?
I'll understand if you never reply...
I stared at the screen for five minutes, stunned, then I showed the email to my mate who had spotted Ellen in the first place. His response, predictably, was "she's nuts - do not reply".
But I did reply. I told Ellen that despite the brilliance of her idea, and I did believe it was brilliant, it probably wouldn't work. After all, we'd never met. And 25 isn't so old that a woman should feel her only option in life is to let me father a child for her.
And I had just one final question: would she mind if I wrote a blog about it?
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