YOUR FRIENDS' ACTIVITY

    Dan About Town

    • This is a question a couple of single girl friends of mine asked me the other day. I was quite amazed that these savvy, sophisticated women in their early 30s, who had both been around the block, hadn't yet managed to solve this perennial dating conundrum. And they listened to my response with wide-eyed fascination, as if I was revealing a secret recipe for fat free chocolate brownies or naming Eastenders actors with super-injunctions concealing their participation in bestiality.

      But it wasn't rocket science. Here's what I told them (not verbatim, obviously)...

      Date one
      There's a theory that men want sex, and sometimes even expect it, after a first date. But this is misleading. Most men only crave first-date sex with girls they don't especially like. This might seem paradoxical but it's simply because if a guy decides a girl isn't relationship material, he figures he may as well sleep with her anyway.

      In this sense, girls have virtually nothing to gain by putting out on

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    • I was selected to write this dating blog from a pool of millions of hunky candidates due to my reasonable strike rate persuading women to go on dates with me. That's not always the case though.

      One group of women with whom I have never had any success is that most glamorous species: the barmaid. Along with models, Hollyoaks actresses and lifeguards I would say that, as a general rule, barmaids are the fittest sub-category of woman.

      [See also: Is it possible to pull a girl on a bus?]

      True, in reality they may hate working in a bar and it may represent the crushing of all their dreams, but for me they retain an otherworldly status. Just like I wouldn't ask out Megan Fox if I bumped into her in Beverley Hills, I also wouldn't ask out a hot barmaid serving me a drink. That's because 1.) She is busy at work, 2.) Any flirtatiousness I detect is probably just part of her job and 3.) She probably gets asked out by blokes in this bar about 30 times a day. In other words, because she's a

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    • We've recently analysed the numerous excuses men give for splitting up with girls from "It's not you, it's me" to "I hate your chinchilla". But one thing all these excuses share is their disingenuity; they are creative ways of delivering bad news, concocted because men think women won't be able to handle the truth.

      But if you can handle it, read on for the REAL three reasons men dump girls…

      Oats
      A common complaint from mates of mine in relationships is that they haven't slept with enough people. It's undoubtedly one of the stupidest reasons for splitting up with someone, while also being one of the most popular.

      What a chap deems "enough people" can vary wildly — it might be 5 or 50. Either way, many men have a strong sense they are entitled to a quota of sex during their lifetime, and that a girlfriend presents an unfair barrier between him and other vaginas. 

      This isn't just about regret; it can also have a tangible effect on a relationship. For instance, a man who feels he has

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    • Regular readers of this column, if there are any, which there aren't, will know that I have a chequered history of trying (and failing) to pull girls on public transport. So you can imagine my excitement on hearing about new website Tubecrush.net, which is basically a load of photos of fitties seen on the tube and secretly snapped by their admirer in the carriage.

      I went straight online to view this trove of travelling totty but on seeing the hotties within, my enthusiasm quickly dissipated to be replaced by feelings of emasculation and worthlessness. With each page I scrolled through, the feeling grew.

      Firstly, it's all men, which is sexist. Secondly, it's an invasion of privacy - each specimen is blissfully unaware he's being papped. Thirdly, it's brazen objectification of men, with photos accompanied by demeaning innuendos like, "this guy has a package that won't fit in a normal letterbox".

      [See also: The top 10 biggest turn-offs for men]

      But the thing that hurt most of all about

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    • Last week we analysed the popular break-up explanation — "It's not you, it's me." But don't think for a second that this is the only acceptable excuse to escape a relationship.
       
      There are plenty of other options; here are 10 excuses that men (and women) like to use.

      "I value your friendship too much"

      This invokes the paradox of liking someone to such a degree that you're compelled to stop having sex with them, thus preserving your long-term bond.
      Pros: Flattery and bamboozlement will get you everywhere when you're chucking someone.
      Cons: You will actually have to stay friends with them after breaking up, which is really boring.

      "It's me or the X"

      This is when you give someone an impossible ultimatum involving you and the thing dearest to them in the world. As in: "It's me or the chinchilla".
      Pros: It's dramatic and puts the ball in their court.
      Cons: If they really, really like you, a chinchilla may be evicted through no fault of its own.

      "We've grown apart"

      A polite way of saying that

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