I recently saw a news story about a dating website for beautiful people being hacked, resulting in lots of ugly singletons signing up and subsequently being booted off once the technical glitch was fixed.

It seemed like a shameless publicity stunt. Anyway, I decided to give them more free publicity by attempting to sign up to the site myself and date a beautiful person — just to see what would happen.

After uploading a photo, I was told I should wait for my application to be judged and that only successful applicants were allowed to browse the site. In other words: Not only can ugly people not join, they can't even look.

At least a hungry tramp can stand at the window of Yo Sushi gazing in, but this was a gated community where residents wanted to be safe from the ogres outside.

Days went past and I heard nothing. Naturally, I feared the worst. Namely, that even the best existing photo of me was not deemed attractive. I was a peripheral ogre. Then, almost a week later, I got an email

Dating is good because you get to to meet new people and possibly have sex with them. But at what price? I have no qualms about spending money on girls I like but I've been on various dates with girls I have no particular affection for, and the cost adds up.

Plus there is an economy crunch or whatever it's called. So here are 10 ways to have fun with a new lover without breaking the bank...

Sporting contest
Give a competitive edge to your date and demand a duel in something like tennis, or chess, or Monopoly.

Pros: Games and sports are fun and you it's also a chance to show off a special talent. I, for example, was unbeaten at Monopoly between the ages of six and 23.
Cons: Some people don't like losing; could get ugly.
Cost: Under £5 each.

Busking
Make beautiful music together — literally. Or even terrible music — it doesn't really matter as long as you've got a hat (for the spare change, not to wear). Some guitar skills are normally required but not necessarily; I've seen

The worst thing about going on lots of dates is the sheer predictability. More than 94 per cent* of first dates take place in either a pub or a restaurant and it's difficult to break the monotony.

Inviting someone to your house doesn't work either because you just sound like a pervert. There are other alternatives though…

Shopping
Girls love shopping, and men also need to go shopping sometimes. So this is perfect, especially if the man needs to buy something, like new jeans.

Pros: It's always helpful to get opinions on 50% reduced jeans from a member of the opposite sex.
Cons: You may have to make it clear that inviting someone on a shopping date doesn't mean you are actually going to buy them stuff.

[See also: 10 relationship and dating deal breakers]

Zoo
It is great to look at animals as they do things. The widest range of species live in the zoo but you could also try a city farm or an owl sanctuary like Alan Partridge.

Pros: Enjoying and smiling at the animals shows your